I Agree With Augie

So, who else saw the movie, Role Models?

There are so many great scenes in that movie I could watch it over and over and still laugh my ass off.

The scene in the beginning with Danny at the fake Starbucks is classic.

"Venti is a large coffee."
"No, venti is twenty. Large is large. Tall is large. Grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations. You're stupid in three languages."

There were all kinds of moments like that in that movie, but one that I started thinking about yesterday was a line by Augie (played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse who also played McLovin in Superbad and Red Mist/The Motherfucker in the Kick-Ass movies).

Danny asks Augie if he likes Coca Cola. His reply: "I like the idea of it more than I actually like it."

It occurred to me yesterday that I've developed the same kind of affection for fast food.

I miss it, but I don't. I have no desire to eat it, yet I feel drawn to it.

I think there are two reasons for this:

First, it was a part of my life for a loooooong time. It was comforting and it tasted good. Of course I'm going to miss it to a degree.

The second, and much bigger reason, I believe to be purely cultural.

Having to shun these places and their food equates to a partial removal from popular culture.

Think about it: 60% of all breakfasts in America that are eaten outside the home are eaten at McDonald's.

Nearly everyone in the United States visits a McDonald's at least once a month. Over 80% eat there once a week.

If you want to get technical, I still count toward that figure because I do buy an unsweetened iced tea to drink while my son eats his FrankenNuggets.

But watching people eating Big Macs or going to Subway or KFC does make me a bit jealous.

I flat out don't want that food anymore. I don't crave it, I don't brood over watching my son eat it, I don't argue with myself over snagging a fry anymore. It's a non-issue.

And yet I miss it.

Because it connects me to my culture and right now I feel very disconnected.

You know what else I feel, though? I feel comfortable sitting in any booth in any restaurant, including McDonald's.

I feel light.

I feel awake.

I feel GOOD for the first time in years.

There are other ways to connect with my culture.

Movies, TV, music, even sit-down restaurants that offer reasonable choices like roasted chicken, broiled fish or steak.

All of these things present opportunities to stay connected.

I've definitely met people who don't like McDonald's and NEVER eat there.

Ditto Subway, KFC, BK and Taco Hell.

So if they don't need to eat that crap to maintain a sense of cultural identity, why would I?

And why would you?

The answer is simple: I don't and you don't. What we need is to be well.

BTW, it was Role Models that taught me that a Starbucks Venti is so named because it's 20 ounces. "Venti! TWENTY!" Thanks, Beth!