And for all the self-congratulatory stuff I post about my weight loss, I have been VERY critical of my own accomplishment because things just don't look right when I'm nekkid.
Now, when I put some clothes on I'm constantly amazed and impressed. I love my chiseled facial features and I love that I've maintained my broad shoulders (they're just not puffy anymore and my arms fall straight). The belly fat is still a thing...sort of. Most of what's left is excess skin and the effects of decades of abuse.
So the other day I tried an experiment.
I stood in front of the mirror naked and sucked in the belly as much as I could. The difference was clear but it didn't look natural.
Then I tried the same thing with clothes on and here's what I discovered.
I didn't look different at all. My frame looked exactly the same when I sucked it in while wearing clothes.
Now... could I stand to still lose a few pounds? The jury's out on that one. Personally, I think that I've gone as far with this as I can with weight loss.
Now, if I want to look good naked, I'm going to have to work at it.
But I reached a decision: I can work at it if I'm in maintenance.
So that's what's going to happen.
I posted this to facebook and since I don't feel much like re-typing it I'm going to just cut and paste:
"So I made a decision. Effective Thanksgiving Day I am going on maintenance. I keep looking at this body and seeing the flaws and thinking that means I need to lose more weight. In reality, I need to get more exercise and I need to target that exercise at toning up my arms, torso and especially midsection.
I remember when I started this that I said I didn't want to get skinny. Well, I'm getting very BONY in certain areas now and the belly may not be flat but I do not have any semblance of a gut anymore. This tells me that dieting is probably not going to finish the job completely and that it is time to stop losing and start maintaining and toning. I'm keeping at it for a while to acclimate to the idea of introducing a few carbs here and there.
My religious practices are actually helping with that transition nicely. I've had cookies and bread at 3 ritual events thus far and each time I've noticed a spike in weight loss after. This tells me that a responsible intake of sugar and carbs will likely help me maintain and even keep losing if that's what needs to happen so here's to my first attempt at getting out of the river.
I chose Thanksgiving because it's a meal that I know is going to be protein-rich and I will be able to introduce a little carbohydrate in the form of some gravy or potato and perhaps a small dessert if I can even up the nerve. I expect this cycle to run through the holidays and then we'll see how tight the pants are. If I notice I've reached a "Sausage 36" by New Year's I'll just jump back in the river and pull things under control again. That's going to be the way of things for the rest of my days and I'm totally OK with that."
Now, I fully expect some of my fellow friends of Julie to look critically at part of that (most notably the word "dessert").
Here's the thing: I doubt I'd have the cojones to even attempt to lift the fork to my mouth if there's pie on it but I have had a couple experiences with sugar and sweet now and it had zero effect on my ability to stay in the river. In fact, it amplified the effects of the diet significantly.
Here are things that I hope will come back eventually:
1. Occasional (once or twice a year) treats that I only have when we visit certain places. I would like to be able to share a funnel cake with my son when we go to Knoebels. I would like to get an ice cream one day during our vacation in Maine. I would like to have some fried clams ONCE during our Maine trip. Note that all these things have one thing in common: they all stay behind.
2. Peanut butter. I miss peanut butter like crazy and I think it would be a reasonable addition to my diet as an occasional treat.
3. Fresh fruit. Sorry, Julie, but you will never convince me that an apple will make me gain weight. I've laid off the fresh fruit while in the river, but all bets are off when I get out. The nutritional benefits far outweigh the detriments. I'm not going to overload on sweet, but if I want an apple (and it's in season - there's the real trick) I'm going to have one. I may not indulge in apple cider, though, since too much of a good thing is still a bad thing.
4. Pizza. But as a side item with a pile of wings and a salad.
5. Beer. I'm not a big boozer but I do enjoy a pint once in a while. So I'll have THAT with a pile of wings too. So there. If you're not a guy you just don't get the stigma surrounding going to a bar and ordering seltzer. Guys drink beer and I feel VERY self-conscious walking around a bar with my glass of fizz.
6. Mixed drinks. Again, I'm not a big boozer so we're going to file this one under "occasional treat."
What isn't coming back? That's a longer list.
- Packaged pastries - sorry, but I can't even...
- Candy bars - don't even get me started on just how much that shit ruined my life.
- Fast food of any kind (not even subway subs without the bread or taco bell taco "meat" - that's just a dangerous and slippery slope)
- Dunkin Donuts - because you can't sling a dead cat in western Massachusetts without hitting one and the draw would be too great if I let those back in at all
- Sugared sodas (that's also a really slippery slope)
- Most kinds of bread and pasta - If I didn't make it I'm not eating it.
- Prepared pre-packaged meals of any kind - can someone say FAKE FOOD?
- Stand-alone desserts - there will be no more going out for ice cream or anything like. If I have dessert it's going to be after a protein-heavy, carb-light meal. Period.
And yes I can hear the "Aw jeezzzz..." from some of you.
All I can say is, I'll let you know what happens. If it doesn't work I'll know pretty quickly and then I'll just dive back into the river.
Truth be told, I expect maintenance to be basically the same as what I'm doing now occasionally interrupted with a small portion of carb - probably once a day or every couple days. I'm too acclimated to eating this way to revert back to old habits. Those habits nearly killed me.
Now, I just want to be able to live a little, even if it means just once in a while allowing myself a tiny indulgence. I don't think anyone who knows me will disagree that I've damn well earned it.
